Lockdown reflections

Print of Hasui Kawase - During the lockdown I had many strange dreams (Though, are there not strange dreams?), in one of them I dreamt of the pond in Ueno's Park in Tokyo, full with lotus flowers, exactly like this one.

During the lockdown, we shall get to know ourselves better, to bring back together with yourself. Or so it is supposed to be. Truth is, as most of the times, of a different sort: the jail of your mind will not let you be free in your physical cage. It comes all together, and when may have different lucks in this regard such as to be in a very small place, with no sun, lock with people who you dislike and do not feel comfortable, isolated with no people or otherwise. 

This is not easy, neither natural to any being, and this brings us to the cruel idea of zoos, prisons, livestock and so on. We humans tried so hard to control everything that when for once something went out of our hands, then we remember how fragile we are, and how far we are from our own nature. Actually, not everything is under control, specially a nature who does not belong to us, but on reverse. We fucked up during centuries, bringing up with religion, science, education, filling up our humanity with development as a wrong concept of evolution of our species, disregarding nature: other animals and ourselves. 

We all wonder how can we add some value to all this questions, how can we do it better, what is the real answer to all this questions. But there is no answer, and all the lifeforms are answers at the same time (perhaps, some of them more sustainable than others, but still they manage to be alive). To think and act towards the big picture, first we have to start with a small scale, with daily acts, surroundings... and how the fuck are you supposed to do that when you are totally hopeless and wrecked? There, you shall start giving yourself some peace, and repair yourself. 

Still, I have not find out how to do any of those. And that makes the hollow deeper, digging into the wounds, and sometimes managing to putting away all that with some sort of patch of life, something that let you go unharmed. Mirrors are a trap, I think they do not even reflect your image, only the distortion of the image that you have of yourself. That is why we need that feedback to reassure what we see in us is true, or close to it, and that way we can keep going. That is why I think socialization is so important to let us see something closer to the truth, to not have only yours as reference. People is what saves us from ourselves, so does nature. In an anti-natural world we ought to grab an embrace every act of that light, pureness and reality with no second filters of culture. But careful there, because no man is an island and so everything is corrupted and colored  at the same time by the essence of humanity. 

And then is the guilt, is it another stupid legacy from jew-christian tradition or a genuine feeling? Because you may need to talk, to express, to know if you are overthinking again or not and then you may need to look yourself in a mirror-person. But how could you bother someone you love, with your own emotional incongruities, it is nor fair. Then, to keep it, may sink you more and more. Here is one of the things where it is not easy to separate from culture, which is the comparison with others. Because we learned to learn by imitation, and for so we got to know what things may be good for us, even if you do not know how to achieve those things. This comparison is hard to avoid, and the guilt and burden prevails on the distortion of the self. If you could make yourself useful to yourself, at least you could have of the path walked.  

Will we be able to learn anything from nature this time? Moreover, will we be able to learn anything at all? and to not forget?